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Second part to Simmoz's introduction, going to be in the 'goodbye' section of Moz's application. I'll alter it a bit for the actual application version, though 
Tell me what you think!
EDIT: I changed it so Marcella would sound a bit more business -like. And toned down the swearing
Tell me what you think!
EDIT: I changed it so Marcella would sound a bit more business -like. And toned down the swearing
Mature
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Comments3
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I like the story-theme so far.
Honestly, though, it just sounds like you're throwing curse words in there for the hell of it. You have a ton of them, and some of them definitely aren't necessary. & this is from the girl who once told me listening to music with swears in it was bad. Bahaha /D;
I think if you cut down the cursing a tiny bit you'll like it better. Also, don't be afraid to try and write longer sections c: you don't want to go painstakingly long, obviously, or way over in detail, but go ahead and try to add a little more here and there and see what you think. :3
Honestly, though, it just sounds like you're throwing curse words in there for the hell of it. You have a ton of them, and some of them definitely aren't necessary. & this is from the girl who once told me listening to music with swears in it was bad. Bahaha /D;
I think if you cut down the cursing a tiny bit you'll like it better. Also, don't be afraid to try and write longer sections c: you don't want to go painstakingly long, obviously, or way over in detail, but go ahead and try to add a little more here and there and see what you think. :3